At 52, my life was a complete mess

At 52, I’d spent my life giving everything to my family, working three jobs to support my husband, daughter, and grandchild. I never questioned why my husband hadn’t worked in 20 years or why my daughter, now in her 30s, relied on me financially. In their eyes, I was just an ATM, and I’d become a shell of myself. One day at a café, teenagers mocked me as an “old nag.” Looking in the mirror, I realized I’d lost myself—and knew it was time for a change.

For a long time, Debra’s only purpose in life was to provide for her daughter Kayla, who married young and had a son, and her husband Austin, who found comfort on the couch of the living room, spending his days in front of the TV with the remote in one hand and his beer in the other.

He lost his job almost twenty years ago, and since his wife worked, he never tried finding another job. It somehow felt right to him Debra to remain the breadwinner.

But neither Kayla nor Austin ever noticed Debra turning into a neglected woman who never did anything for herself. All she ever did was spend her money on Kayla’s allowance and her husband’s needs. Getting used to her mother’s money, Kayla never bothered to seek employment.

Debra was taken for granted for too long, without realizing that. But then, one day, something happened that forced her to turn her life around.

While waiting for her coffee at Starbucks, thinking of the job that made her miserable, a group of teenagers pushed her and cut in front of her. The cashier didn’t object but took the youngsters’ orders. When Debra objected, they started laughing at her, calling her names such as a “pensioner that had nowhere to be,” and “old nag.”

Crushed, she took her coffee and entered her car. Inside, she saw her self in the mirror and realized she had been neglecting herself for too long. She barely recognized herself. She looked exhausted, with gray creeping into her hair and lines she didn’t remember forming on her face. Suddenly, it hit her – the decades of caring for others had come at the expense of her own well-being.

That experience was a turning point for Debra. Instead of going to work, she visited the nearest salon and had her hair cut and dyed. She them treated herself with new clothes, including a couple of fancy dresses.

On her way home, she called Kayla and told her not to count on her financial assistance any longer. She was a grown up person with a child to raise and needed to find a job on her own. Kayla was shocked, asking what she did wrong. But Debra didn’t have the strength to argue, she just said it was a decision she made and it was final.

Once home, Austin looked at her all puzzled. He was mad she returned home early and wasn’t at work instead. But Debra didn’t care about what he thought. She told him that she had it enough and that she wanted divorce.

It was about time both Kayla and Austin take responsibility for their own lives.

The following day, Austin was forced to move out of the house.

Eventually, Debra found a job that made her happy. She started to travel and visited places she had never envisioned she would see. Life felt good. For the first time in years she was satisfied with herself.

Over time, she started getting along with her daughter who realized that her mother was right the entire time. Austin found a job and begged Debra to take him back. She said she would reconsider that later on, because at the moment, she was still trying to reconnect to herself.